Making a Baby  
Making a baby. This is hilarious!   
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny. 
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to
use a surrogate father to start their family. 
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife 
goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' 
Half an hour later, just by chance, a
door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no
need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting
you.' 'Have you really?' said the photographer. 
'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 
'Well that's what my husband and I had
hoped. Please come in and have a seat'. After a moment she asked,
blushing, 'Well, where do we start?' 'Leave everything to me. I usually
try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out
there.' 'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for
Harry and me!' 'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every
time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' 'My, that's a
lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith. 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his
time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be
disappointed with that.' 'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly. 
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 'Oh, my word!'
Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. 
'And these twins turned out
exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to
work with.' 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I
finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep to get a good look' 'Four and five
deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. 'Yes', the
photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was
constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when
darkness approached I had to rush my shots. 
Finally, when the squirrels
began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' Mrs. Smith
leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?' 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.
Well, if you're ready, I'll
set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?' 'Oh yes,
Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be
held in the hand very long.' Mrs. Smith fainted