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  Modern Cybernauts  
     
 
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer
  Support employee. (Now we know why they record these conversations!):

  Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; May I help you?"
  Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
  Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
  Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
  Operator: "Went away?"
  Caller: "They disappeared."
  Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
  Caller: "Nothing."
  Operator: "Nothing??"
  Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
  Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
  Caller: "How do I tell?"
  Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
  Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
  Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
  Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

  Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
  Caller: "What's a monitor?"
  Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
  Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
  Caller: "I don't know."
  Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
  power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
  Caller: "Yes, I think so."
  Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged
  into the wall.
  Caller: "Yes, it is."
  Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you 
  notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
  Caller: "No."
  Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back
  there again and find the other cable."
  Caller: "Okay, here it is."
  Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the
  back of your computer."
  Caller: "I can't reach."
  Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
  Caller: "No."
  Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
  Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because
  it's dark."
  Operator: "Dark??"
  Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
  Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
  Caller: "I can't."
  Operator: "No? Why not??"
  Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
  Operator: "A power...................................... A power failure?
  Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have
  the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
  Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
  Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system
  and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
  store you bought it from."
  Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
  Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
  Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
  Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer".