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  Noah and his Ark  
     
 
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who
was now living in the United States , and said:                         
Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh
before me.                          
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living
thing along with a few good humans.                          
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6
months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.                          
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw
Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.                          
Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark ?                          
Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have
changed.                          
I needed a building permit.                         
 I've been arguing with the inspector about the
need for a sprinkler system.                          
My neighbours claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in
my yard and exceeding the height limitations.                         
 We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for
a decision.                         
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a
bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines                   
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark 's move to the sea.                          
I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
but they would hear nothing of it.                          
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a
ban on cutting local trees in order to save the
spotted owl.                         
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!                          
When I started gathering the animals, an animal
rights group sued me.                          
They insisted that I was confining wild animals
against their will.                          
They argued the accommodations were too
restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane                         
to put so many animals in a confined space.                          
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact
study on your proposed flood.                          
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities
I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.                         
 Immigration and Naturalization are checking the
green-card status of most of the people who want
to work.                          
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with
Ark-building experience.                          
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my
assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country
illegally with endangered species.                          
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least
10 years for me to finish this Ark.                          
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to
shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
                          
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'                          
'No,' said the Lord.
'The government beat me to it.